My Bucket List

I've never seen the movie, but I heard it was note-worthy. The concept is very intriguing isn't it?

What are the "things" you want to do before you die?

What's great about this list is that it is all-encompassing. It doesn't have to be reserved for spiritual goals or weight loss. You don't have to fill you bucket with regrets or some sort of corrective behavior. It's your bucket and you can fill it with whatever you want. I do think my bucket will need to contain things that I haven't already done, because I'm happy to say, I've achieved a few of my life-long dreams on my list already.

I'm 33 years old. I may or may not have already had a heart-attack (it's difficult to know for sure since I never went to the hospital.) I take some pills for cholesterol and heart-burn. I've got a pretty bad back, a nasty neck, and I'd wager I'm already feeling the onset of arthritis. This doesn't mean I want people to feel sorry for me. I'm just coming to terms with the fact I'm not going to live forever. With that being said, should I place limitations on the things I place in my bucket? Should I say things like, "There's no way I'll ever come close to achieving that goal, so leave it out."

Can't do it.

One last question before I list... Should I name the bucket? I mean, is it all right to just call it a "bucket list"? Would that be considered copyright infringement? I don't think I'm going to call it Marcy or anything like that, but you know, does it deserve a legitimate name? Like... Frank's Daring "To-Dos", or Do-dos or Do-don'ts... ha, I like that one, just because of the word... well there's no need in typing it again.

I'll come back to the name, when its had time to cook.

1. Sky-Dive - Yeah, it's probably on many people's bucket list, but the scary thing about this, I'll probably achieve this goal in the near future. Isn't it our dream to fly? Some of my most vivid dream memories (the one's not involving Anderson Cooper and a doggy door) are of me hopping off the swing-set in our first home on Shandon Drive and realizing I could skim across the ground without touching. So sky-diving is just prolonged falling with some stranger strapped to your back while you wear balloon pants and Mr. Koolaid's mu-mu. So what? I bet it rocks!

2. I want to go on The Price is Right and win the showcase showdown, but not until after I've grabbed hold of the wheel and not let go until I've done a full rotation clinging to the numbers. Can you imagine the publicity that would create? Bob Barker (well, shoot, it's not even him anymore, which kind of negates the whole entry to my bucket list) would probably kick my tush. I've seen Happy Gilmore, but it would be the best beating I've ever taken. So free, so alive. Don't tell me there's no physical way to make a full rotation on the wheel. Don't tell me that. I don't want to hear it. It's my bucket... get out!

3. I want to learn how to juggle swords. I'm not very good at card tricks, but I have this condition where I want to "Wow" people at parties with my skills. Most of the time when I'm trying to make your card pop somewhere else in the deck, people stop paying attention and forget the card they chose. You would never do that to David Copperfield, or... David Blaine, or that one guy who makes Marilyn Manson look like a Wal-mart Door-greeter. There's respect for those magicians. I'm not a magician and my card tricks are lame and why do I need to do tricks in the first place? What gives? Can't we all just sit around and enjoy conversations about politics, and.... global warming, and who the bachelor is going to choose as his soul-mate? Wouldn't it be possible to just nibble on some munchies and enjoy the silence as we stare blankly at everyone's yearbook photos?

I have a condition. It could be a disease. I don't know what happens to me when I see a deck of cards, but I want to make them vanish into thin air while simultaneously releasing a murder of crows (yes that is the correct term) from my sleeves. All this for an applause. Bravo Frank...Bravo. Alas, it doesn't work that way. Instead...
"Was this your card right here?" I ask enthusiastically.
"Oh, you're still doing a card trick? Um... I forgot."
"Oh that's okay, I'll just juggle some swords."
Instant respect.

You see? You see how that works? Who wouldn't want that in their bucket list?

4.People always talk about the exotic locations they want to visit before they die. Italy, France, Greece, Australia, Africa. I agree, those would be awesome. So, one day, before I die, I want to travel to all of those places... on one trip. I don't want to come home and rush off to download the contents of my memory stick onto my computer so I can upload and blog about it. I don't want to come home to a house that smells. They always smell and what's sad is that the smell is no different then when you live there, but you've become so acclimated to the smell you don't even realize it smells. I don't want to go back to a place that dulls my sense of smell.

The thing I hate most about vacations is the countdown. You know what I'm talking about. You arrive at Disneyland and immediately you start counting down the minutes, hours, days until you have to go home. You don't want to do that, but you have to. You say stuff like, "I'm so excited! We still have three days left!"
Don't you get it?


That makes me sick! Vacations should never be about how soon you have to go back to reality. There should be no countdown. Instead of counting down the days until you go home, you should be counting the days to the next part of your adventure. I'll probably need to be retired with the kids all grown and Heidi and I are old and feeble when this dream could ever be fulfilled. Instead of wandering into some dive to try crazy foods, will be hunting for the closest restroom that has ample supply of toilet paper. Still... to go on a trip that expands beyond the norm. To not have to countdown at all. To wake up each day without a clue of when it will end. Folks it maybe number 4 on this list, but I think you'll agree there's not a better number 1.

5. I want to make a cameo appearance on a cartoon. It has to look like me (not the Simpsons' version) it has to be my voice and I get to do whatever I want. Celebrities make their own fragrances, become the spokespeople for automobiles and sandwiches. They grace the "Red Carpet" and people pass out from their beauty. Have you ever seen the size of the gift baskets they receive when they attend the Academy Award shows? I heard the value of one of the gift baskets was like well over $100,000. Why? Because they are celebrities. They are famous. They need that stuff and we want to give it to them. Do I want to be a celebrity? Of course. It's kind of a goal. Is it because I want to trip down the red carpet or snag my expensive gift basket, or have my face plastered on the wrapper of a sandwich, or create my own bottle of Frankie Stink?

Sure. That works.

But real celebrities are drawn into cartoons. Real celebrities show up on a national television program watched and adored by millions of kids. I haven't really mulled over what cartoon I want to be apart of just yet. I'll cross that road when the time is right. For now, I'd settle for a cameo on... wait a minute. It just dawned on me I don't have any clue what cartoons are being watched now-a-days. Are there cartoons anymore? My kids love Zach and Cody and Wizards of Waverly Place, but I don't think they watch animation. What has come to this world? Forget it. I want to be so famous they bring back He-man and I get a recurring role as Teela's boyfriend. And I want a sword that sings and a fruit basket that never runs out of grapes. So there!

That will be my last entry into my virtual Bucket List for now, but I hope you've enjoyed catching a glimpse into my dreams. Everyone needs a bucket list. We need goals. We need dreams and not just dreams that stay floating around in REM sleep. Real ones. And doggone it, everyone needs to go after these dreams.

Me and Marcy are going to be good friends one day real soon.

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