So there she was, all 5'2 (so she says) of sheer beauty, like a sun-kissed dew drop on love's lost window sill, I was a musky... what the??!!? Sorry didn't mean to get all saucy on ya. Maybe Heidi was subliminally bouncing ridiculous Jane Austin vibes off my skull from somewhere in an adjoining room. Where was I? No.... idea.... I wonder if Mike Sapp or Fred Wilcoxsen still remember the plastic bee bee gun war we got into in one of the malls and Kentucky. We actually got chased out of there by a security guard. Those were good times. I actually don't really have anything to share, come to think of it. Why am I still writing?
OK, I think I'll share an embarrassing memory of my wife. She'll kill me, I might as well include a Last Will and Testament as an attachment, but I don't care.
Heidi, myself and the boys (Camberlyn was just a name at this time) decided to go see what was all the hype about Cabelas. "You gotta go to Cabelas!" "Cabelas is amazing!" "You can buy all your gear there!" "They have a real mountain filled with stuffed animals." Yeah, those were some of the things I heard over the years. So we packed up our jeep and headed out. For crying out loud, it's not like an amusement park. It's a giant store of death. From every angle, you get stared at by little bambis and thumpers and kodas and simbas. I know, I know, stop being a wuss Frank! Get out and kill something! You'll love life more!!!
Well, this post is about my wife, so I'll stop veering in other directions. Now before I continue, let me preface this first. I love my wife. No one in the world could put up with what she puts up with. I think she loves me too, at least she says it sometimes. I often feel bad for Heidi. You know the whole fairy tale of the princess kissing the frog and he turns into a prince. Well I consider myself to be one of those fortunate frogs that she kissed and I ended up turning into like a lizard or something... yeah, one of those lizards that could change colors and blend in with its surroundings. Cool! And I can break my tail off and grow it right back or frill out some flap of skin around my neck to scare off predators, or... I digress.
We explored every angle of Cabelas, bought lunch at the little cafe and then toured the large exhibits. There were giant fish dangling from hooks from the ceiling and massive Kodiak bears standing with their paws outstretched. The kids were a little freaked out, but all in all it was kind of cool. One of the exhibits was quite impressive. With Jackson and Gavin on our shoulders we moved through a pretty amazing display of water buffaloes being attacked by lionesses. There were zebras, gazelles and wildebeests. I think there may have even been a hippopotamus wallowing in a mud hole. It was breathtaking to say the least. You felt like you were there on a real safari (except for the fact that the animals didn't move, it was like we were in the Matrix!) Finally, I looked over at my wife and said.
"Wow, I can't believe they have all of these animals here."
To which she nodded and said, "Yeah, and can you believe that all of these animals are indigenous to Utah."
I nodded as well... until I realized what she had said. "Huh? What do you mean indigenous to Utah?"
Heidi must have realized her mistake, because her eyes dropped in sheer panic. "I... uh... I mean, someone told me there was a display of... er... animals that were indigenous to Utah."
I started to laugh. "I don't think it was this particular display, dear. When have you seen any of those creatures bounding across the road?" I was pointing to a pack of slobbering hyenas. By this point I was laughing really hard now, all at the expense of my poor wife.
Heidi glared at me. "Don't you tell a soul what I said!" she ordered. "Not a soul!"
And I never did... that whole day... well... um... while I was at Cabelas... er... until someone called me on my cell on the way out.